| i'm sweating out excuses that would make your stomach turn |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
|
consider this my piano interlude
|
|
|
|
[08 Oct 2005|12:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hgrjkaga |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jhgklasdga |
] |
LISTEN UP.
I am moving back to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) halfscripts.
&I've already added everyone on this friends list so your job is easy: go HERE & add me back.
Sorry to be annoying, but it had to be done.
|
|
|
[05 Oct 2005|09:47am] |
|
wtf where did mackenzie go
|
|
|
[02 Oct 2005|07:02pm] |
I need desperately to study but I can't think because my brother has Guns n Roses on pretty much as high as it will go.
ghjkdfahgargaheuigada fuck this noise. I'm going back to work where at least it's quiet.
Ps/ was I imagining things or did you actually flirt back today? Does this mean you're finally catching on or you're finally believing what I know they're all telling you? Ooooh, boy. I shouldn't be doing this so soon.
Pps/ brownhairs, here I come. Maybe I'll make a timeline just so you all can see how much I've changed. But you can't see my insides. Even though they have changed much, much more.
|
|
|
[01 Oct 2005|01:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
too tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Radiohead |
] |
To all you lovely, lovely people reading this right now: don't think for a second that it's remotely romantic or interesting or even mildly entertaining to be me. It aches most days. Believe me when I say you're better off. Thank your lucky stars that there's only one of me on this earth & most of all, accept no substitutes.
Other news. I convinced a man to buy the Panic! record today. And by 'convinced' I mean he read my employee recommendation, laughed and said, "sure, why not". They don't pay me enough for this. He couldn't have been any younger than 45. Check it: I'm bringing dancerock to the baby boomers. Next stop, I'll have all the nursing homes jamming to Head Automatica. You'll see, you'll see. Hey, I really wish JJY3 would use his jjy3 account. It's an awful waste of webspace if he's not inhabiting it with his misspelled words and tales of drunken collegate debauchery. Maybe I miss the boy a little. I get away with it because I miss pretty much everyone. No worries- I've fallen into too many old bad habits lately as it is to get caught up with that one... again.
I work a midshift tomorrow which means getting up at 9am. Which means all the pretty people at Barns&Noble will be bright eyed and bushy tailed. Notttt. I bet everyone will be cranky. I open on Sunday which means that I am going to be playing all my favorite boys as loudly as possible before we unlock the doors for buisness. I really want the new Nada Surf record and the new Coheed & Cambria record but I have no monies. This is the fault of two stupid, stupid Houston drivers but mostly myself for going to college and drinking frappuchinos. I desperately need new clothes but I refuse to buy any until 18.2. I figure that's more than enough incentive.
High & Dry just finished playing & I thought of you with a smile. Bet you think that's pretty clever, don't you boy.
( Ps/ Mixed. Tape. )
|
|
|
[28 Sep 2005|11:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Vincent Gallo |
] |
September 28, 2005:
First time I have ever heard Fall Out Boy on the radio.
What a weird feeling.
(Watch the obits for me. I'll end my life in a hail of bullets.. and then I'll probably get hit by a car. This is the trend & this is the way my life will end. Be sure to let the world know that you heard it here first.)
|
|
|
[26 Sep 2005|03:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ehhhh |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Academy Is... |
] |
Hearts in Hot Topic. I'm one of those assholes who claim to hate it but it's the only place around here to buy plugs. Sucks for me. Except not. Because he's always there and oh, oh, he's cute. We bond over whatever tshirt I'm wearing and whatever shows we've been to. I'm a shameless flirt as long as I know it'll never go anywhere. My face needs a veil. Kind of like my intentions.
Comments: Posted: 221 - Received: 67
What the hell. You slackers.
|
|
|
[26 Sep 2005|01:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jack's Mannequin |
] |
Wild Cherry Capri Sun just might be the best thing ever.
Tell all your friends.
Ps boy, you're working my last nerve. Learn how to use a telephone or I won't have to fake being mad at you anymore.
EDIT what am I doing & why am I doing this to you. Am I heartless or just too typical for my own good? I'm a sucker for failure, honey. You make this too easy.
|
|
|
[24 Sep 2005|12:30pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Panic! at the Disco |
] |
Slept through the hurricane.
Don'tmesswithTexas.
It's still very windy but I'm pretty sure the worst was over once the rain stopped.
Hope everyone else is okay. I know not everyone is as lucky to live on this side of Houston. We're going to check to make sure our other house is okay sometime tomorrow I think. I have to work, though. Barns & Noble sucks. But it'll be nice to get out of this house. Time to regroup. Get my act together. I need change. I might die without it. This is serious buisness, lovelies. I'll be unrecognizable when this is all said and done & you'll love every second. Keep your eyes out for me.
Time to come back to life.
( I just heard DCFC play at Austin City Limits over a cell phone and it inturuppted my Algebra homework and I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE HAPPY HGUIERHKGDHJKGAHUIA )
|
|
|
[21 Sep 2005|12:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
long winded |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Say Hi to Your Mom |
] |
I hate not knowing what to name essays. After two thousand words, you would think that a few more would be effortless. Oh well. "Name it Duck Soup- it worked for Groucho Marx" (Dad). I want to write a book but all the good words are taken. I get done tomorrow at 12:30 and then it's homehomehome for algebra until my head explodes. Thanks to unit two in my psych class, I'll be able to correctly identify the various sections of brain matter that will most likely end up all over my walls. Too graphic? Sorry. This journal is rated PG-13 for dry humor and occasional slipsofthetongue. I'll cut out every thought of you and bring it down to PG. Deal?
Daytime love. So sorry if I broke your enthusiastic heart. Just wanted to let you know that it's your fault but only a little. "I can't handle that much attention." Matt thought it was funny- I was being serious. Whatever. Figures you'd back off as soon as I got my story straight. What it comes down to is it's not as much fun when you like me back. William's still trying to hook me up with Neil but I swore off the older boys. All you eighteen-to-nineteen year olds, I'm single and ready for you. Members of Panic! at the Disco get first dibs though.
Nighttime love. So tired of these girls (and boys) on the interweb who are like the popular girls (and boys) in high school. Want to know a secret? It all ends the same way. Eventually, everyone gets fat. It doesn't matter what kind of camera you take pictures of yourself in the bathroom with, or what bands you saw on Warped Tour. Sometimes I catch myself getting immersed in the hype and I have to balance it out by a healthy round of self-loathing afterward. Want to know another secret? I'm a better cuddler than the whole FFTL crew put together. But I bet they're all better in the sack. You win some/you lose some.
Next time I use this thing it'll be post-Rita. Just so I'll have a story to tell.
|
|
|
[19 Sep 2005|11:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Panic! at the Disco |
] |
Hurricane supplies. Here we go again, gulf coast. I'm riding on the hope that Houston is far enough inland that the only thing I'll have to worry about is an unplanned day off work. William got the new girl and me mixed up from the back and scared the new girl. She's going to think we're all crazy. Because we totally are. & Bloody fingers. Sacrificing my thumbs in lieu of the inevitable attack on the rest of my digits. I think I was better off biting my nails. This, like all things, will fade. You won't remember me. Will you?
Ps. Don't believe the hype. You have to spend $100 to get the free iPod. I guess some things really are too good to be true. Like everything.
|
|
| two mes in one go. don't worry, it's just narcississm. |
[18 Sep 2005|01:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
i want to be |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kashmir |
] |
I want to be healthy so bad that I just went downstairs and drank a whole glass of milk and ate a stick of celery. Go me. I'm going to feel sick for the next two days.
I want to be better. I want to be so much more than I am right now.
I want to be everything.
I need to be memorable.
If I don't make a lasting (positive) impression on someone, I will die.
Right here. Right now. I will die.
I am addicted to this song by Kashmir: "Ruby Over Diamonds". So lovely. You'll have it on repeat all night, I promise. Next time you see me on the AIM you should ask me for it and I'll send it to you.
I'm going to start running again, you guys. I'll start off slow and build my way up until I can run for miles and miles and escape my skin.
I am such a silly little girl.
Ps/ leave me comments, you little creeps.
|
|
| You're onnnnnnnn. |
[13 Sep 2005|10:49pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Honorary Title |
] |
If I'm not taking this elsewhere, it means that I only feel safe behind broken sentences and empty words. I think I'm crazy, baby. I don't really know what I'm doing & it shows. What are you letting me get myself into? Stop saying those things when I've already convinced myself of all the reasons why this could be wrong. All I can do is try. But don't expect too much from me, boy. It's only a matter of time before you realize just how awful I really am. You have no use for a silly little girl like me. No use, no use.
Tell me it is going to be okay.
Tell me you will not hurt me.
Tell me I am not making a horrific mistake.
Tell me that I am capable of love.
Ps/unrelated: I want snakebites. Immediately. Someone tell me where to get this done (I live in Houston, holla) & how much this is going to hurt.
|
|
|
[12 Sep 2005|07:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
at work |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Elvis Costello |
] |
Got what I wanted.
Please, please, please let this be worth it.
Like summer rain and pretty songs.
|
|
|
[11 Sep 2005|07:02pm] |
|
My coworkers are all hard at work trying to set me up with someone special.
Blushblushblush.
No, wait. I lied. That's not all. My dad gave me a book of Fitzgerald stories and I hate him for it because now I'm not going to want to do anything but read. And I still have a mountain of homework and a growing list of things I need to get done tonight before I go fall asleep at (what I hope to be) a reasonable hour. And I wanted to run but I'm so, so tired. Excuses, excuses. They're all I'm made of. Sugar, spice, and all the reasons why it's not my fault. I have the aching suspicion that I'm never going to be happy. Not for something beyond my control, but because I don't know how to let myself. Sad, indeed. Sometimes I feel too much like Jay Gatsby- desperate for something I could have had. Doomed for failure in the form of assisted suicide and never, ever being good enough.
|
|
|
[08 Sep 2005|01:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
i don't know |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jets to Brazil |
] |
Hey there, heartbreaker. Your closure came just a little bit too late, don't you think? I'm onto you. I know you have radar inside that head of yours, telling you all the right moments to pounce & attack. I'm not mad because I know you were just trying to be nice. And maybe I won't hold it against you that it took you so long. This would have nice a year or two ago but maybe we just needed the distance.
Here's what I didn't want to say: I am (barely) alive. It really is hot here- I don't just say that for comedic effect. But the weather is the easiest thing to talk about when everything else is too hard to talk about. I just want you to know. I am not the girl you held hands with and tickled during movies. Sometimes I regret, sometimes I am proud, and sometimes I surrender to indifference. I am going to be okay and I hope you will be, too. All I ever wanted was to help, but you wouldn't let me in. I don't blame you, okay? I've seen the pictures (I'll write the headlines) and I just want you to know that I understand.
|
|
|
[05 Sep 2005|03:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
eugh |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Academy Is... |
] |
I'm missing you to death
but it's all for the best, I know.
|
|
|
[04 Sep 2005|09:04pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Academy Is... in my head |
] |
Update:
Cursive Guy's name is Daniel.
There are 24,000 evacuees in my city right now.
It's hard to imagine just how bad this is, but I'm seeing it everyday. Death and devestation everywhere. And if it's hard for me, I'm sure it's hard for you guys, but please- give blood, give your old clothes, give whatever you can. Even if it's just a dollar. I know that it seems like it won't matter but they are saying that this is the worst that has ever been.
I am beginning to resent the sunshine.
|
|
| "I know you don't like metal, but..." |
[03 Sep 2005|09:41pm] |
|
You make me smile, boy. From one ear to the next. It makes me forget, even if just for a little while, all the reasons why I'm not worth it.
|
|
|
[31 Aug 2005|06:45pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Say Hi to Your Mom |
] |
Papers and chapters and homework are exciting. Missing you, however, is not. You didn't call like you said you would. I tried being mad but it didn't work and now I'm just faced with the realization that it's really over. I hate this game where I try to give myself reasons to like him or her and end up fabricating the majority of them. I tried testing out that psych major of mine and giving analysis like, maybe I'm shallow or maybe I'm just running scared. But the end result is that I just don't care anymore. Maybe there's romance in isolation. Mostly I just want this internet thing to go away. I should take up a hobby like maybe learning how to play my guitar properly instead of just swinging it around. I could play piano again. I want long goodbyes and kissing in the rain but I don't want to do the hard labor to get there. There's something wrong with everyone, most of all with me. So maybe I'll try this thing anyway. I'll make it cool to be alone and when it catches on we'll all sacrifice people for scene points and call it legitimate. I hate these ridiculous paragraphs but they/you're all I have left.
|
|
| Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door? |
[30 Aug 2005|12:19am] |
|
Panic! at the Disco is one of the best bands I have ever seen live. Not only have I seen a lot of bands, but they only played for 20 minutes. I danced. I jumped. I sang the lyrics at the top of my lungs. I chilled with Spencer before the show and it is pretty safe to say that they are my new favorite thing. I've liked them since February but obviously the live set is always what seals it for me. They're going to blow up and it's going to be Fall Out Boy all over again but believe me when I say that they legitimately deserve it. See them live if you can, but definitely preorder the CD. This band is taking music to a whole new level.
12:21 am. 5am wakeup call. Class times three. Pictures someday of the Houston skyline; befores and afters.
Headache, heartache, dreaming of you.
Fuck the scene.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
